Hi, I am Lee. This is my first attempt at a blog ….so here it goes.
As a kid in grade school I was really amazed in learning about the Earth, Moon, Sun and all the stars in the sky and all the neighboring planets and space that went on forever and astonished that it does go on forever it’s not like sooner or later if we were traveling through space we would run into a brick wall and if we did ,we would want to know what’s on the other side. Soon that interest faded away, but never went away completely. It has always been there and as I climb into my 40’s that interest has been reborn with even more amazement and maturity and a greater sense of wonder.
There have been many questions throughout my life and I think for the most of us we are thinking of the same questions, although some may differ – questions like Does God Exist? Where do we come from? Why are we here? And, This one on more of a personal level, Where is my heart in all this?
Throughout my life I would never even think of using God and Universe in the same sentence. Now when I look in the sky that is what I see.
I know some of you, If you have read this far, you are probably thinking oh no,not another bible thumper lol, but that’s not the case at all. It has been a long road and a hard life for me at times and I haven’t always thought this way. I do believe there is a God or Entity who created the Universe and everything in it, although I am not into any kind of religion or church at this point in my life I try and focus some of my energy on Who is God? or What is God ? Like I said , I do believe in God or an Entity,it is very hard for me to accept it on a personal level though…. it’s like I can see God and feel him at times, but that’s it, no communcation, but I do reach down deep into my heart to find it.
I have not always thought as I am sitting here thinking at this moment. I have not always believed as I would rise up and fall back for most of my life on this unsure emotional roller coaster ride of belief. As far as I know right now as I am writing this I am on a rise which I hope I will keep rising, but if history repeats itself well you know? I really think strongly that the reason I rise and fall so much is because I only let God in when I want to and every time I fall ,I fall hard and it’s even harder to get back up. My doubts are my enemy and brings me closer to unhappiness and therefore there is No God and No beauty and my heart wants to empty out any feeling of compassion or love for its belief, but I can say with a clear mind and all of my breath that I am among the ones of this world that can never be charged with the Ultimate Sin and that is every non-belief ounce of enery ( 100%) of your heart does not believe in just something and thank God I do !!!
Over the last few months I have been reading up on and listening to the different views in debates and forums from preachers, theists ,scientists and atheists. Sometimes it is a real struggle to get your heart and your mind to be on the same wave length, and for me this is a must to come to a realization about all this and I guess my way of trying to see where my heart fits in.
There is no way I am an athiest, I just don’t have enough faith for that and to be an athiest you have to believe that there is No God at all and believe we all came to be out of nothing and also to believe that when we die …it’s like hitting the switch to turn the light bulb out that’s it nothing else,my heart would not let me believe that, which makes it so clear to me because of that fact that in my heart I want there to be a God and would be really sad if there wasn’t .
Cool Link ( video) here Goes good with what I have said so far and also of what I haven’t said yet